Hey, it's Louis.

Today we are getting into a much needed practice. Budgeting. It's about as fun as a colonoscopy, but way better than having something sneak up and bite you in the... well ass.

👀 IN TODAY'S STASH

🌳 THE SHADE

If the word "budget" makes you feel like beating your head against a brick wall, grab some shade for a minute cause you're in good company.

Most guys hear it and picture spreadsheets, scolding wives, and being told to cancel Netflix.

Scrub those images out of your head because that's not what we're doing here. A budget is just a tool, like a map, that shows you where your money's been going.

🌰 THE NUT

Before we get into this one, let's take a look around at where we are.

We've built up the FNG Attitude. That stubborn, unreasonable belief that there's a way through.

We've learned to take things step by step, which is persistence with a plan.

And we've tried some self-honesty, which if you've been doing the work, probably stung like going down a metal slide that's been baking in the summer sun all day.

It would have been difficult to tackle this three newsletters ago.

Without the attitude you'd quit the first time the numbers looked ugly. Without the persistence you'd do it once and never again. Without the honesty you'd fudge the categories and wonder why nothing changed.

But you've got the foundation. Which means you're ready for the first tangible tool in the box.

Budgeting.

Ranks up there with "I'd rather be smacked in the head with a ball-peen hammer" and uncontrollable sobbing.

That's where I lived for most of my adult life. I shit you not, I am fifty this year and I did my first budget seven years ago. Dumbass.

Before that I was the vaguest mofo you've ever seen. Money coming in, money going out... mostly going out, but I couldn't tell you where most of it was going.

I didn't feel terribly alone because my wife was right there with me. Somewhere along the line we came across Dave Ramsey and decided it would be an interesting experiment to find out exactly what we were spending our money on.

We got Quicken, pulled up the bank statements, and went back two or three months. Lucky for us we weren't using much cash at the time, so we could track most of it.

The sweat. The tears. The horror.

It took the better part of an afternoon, but we had a budget. And I'll tell you what, it was nauseatingly eye-opening.

Turns out our monetary philosophy was: if we still had money in the bank, we still had money to spend. Dumbasses.

So we categorized everything. Automobile, gas, insurance. Rent, renters insurance, cleaning supplies. Groceries. Eating out. We probably should have had a separate category just for Starbucks because, good Lord, we were buying so many fancy coffees I don't whether our internal organs or our bank account took more damage.

Once we had everything categorized we started tracking. After a couple of months the patterns started showing up.

The biggest one was personal spending. What my wife and I were dropping in that category was enough to bribe a mid-level government official.

So here's how it works. You categorize your expenses. You track your spending in each category. Then at the end of the month you sit down and set the budget for the next one, your best estimate of what you're going to spend in each category.

Then you try to stick to it.

Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes your budget feels like it's made out of Teflon. But it's building a habit, and habits get easier.

Now don't get me wrong. I still blow my budget.

Sometimes it's groceries because the cost of food keeps going up. Sometimes it's an unexpected car expense. A lot of times it's that stupid personal category. I get an urge, and next thing I know I'm out spending money on something I don't need. Dumbass.

But the point of budgeting isn't to kick yourself in the ass. It's to see what's coming in, track where it's going, and make adjustments when needed.

You can't make adjustments when you don't know what the hell is going on. And you certainly can't make plans (i.e., retirement plans) when you don't know what the hell's going on.

Our first newsletter ended with "Now we scrounge, now we scratch, now we find and grow our nuts." I guarantee you, brother, when you get that budget worked out and running smoothly, you're gonna find some nuts you didn't know you had.

What was your DoorDash moment? The thing you found hiding in your budget that made you say "well… shitballs." Hit reply and let me know.

🐿️ THE STEP

Pick a tool. Quicken. YNAB. Monarch. A free spreadsheet you ripped from Reddit. A notebook with a pen, it doesn't matter which one. The best budgeting tool is the one you'll actually use.

Pull up your last two months of bank and credit card statements. Two months is enough to see patterns without burying you in regret... um… I mean data.

Start dumping charges into categories. Don't overthink the categories. Six or seven is plenty. Housing. Groceries. Eating out. Car. Subscriptions to Modern Beagle and Cat Fancy. Utilities and bills. Personal. Whatever makes sense to you.

Don't try to make a "budget" yet. We're not setting limits this week. We're just sorting and seeing what the picture actually looks like.

When you're done, look at the totals. Don't grade them. Don't curse. No long, high-pitched anxiety farts.

Okay maybe a little cursing.

There will be at least one or two numbers that surprise you. That surprise is the whole point. That's the part you didn't know. And now you do.

Next week, or whenever you're ready, you set targets. But you can't set targets without first knowing the terrain and this week we’ve started that map.

Two hours of work. Maybe three. Sixty tops… Just kidding. If it takes that long, email me and I'll beat my head against a wall for you.

The first time is the worst but every time after that it gets easier.

Until the next Stash, protect your nuts brother.

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